Like in Sherlock, I have a mind palace where I go to seek comfort and escape from the outer world. I’m there right now. The outside world is something I can’t manage at the moment. I should be working on my anthropology homework, but schoolwork stresses me to a point where I can’t function. I’m not sure why that is. Right now, I’m sitting at the desk in Eliza’s apartment wearing sweatpants, socks, a frumpy space cat shirt, my comfy hat, and my glasses. I want to escape from the world into a place of my own. If I could, I would close my eyes and drift into myself to a place where I can run through the meadows of my mind, dance to the wind and birds, and spin in the sunlight until I fall dizzily into the daisies. There, I would wear a long flowing skirt, a tank top, and a flower crown. It would be my perfect place where I would be free. Free from society, free from stress, and free from myself I would be. I would be happy and healthy. Currently, my health is better than it has been in the past and I am happy, but my mental health isn’t doing too well. At times, my depression and anxiety have been getting worse and headaches are more frequent, but I don’t know how to explain all of this to my psychiatrist and therapist when I see them. Around my family and friends, I try my hardest to appear to be happy and doing well, but, on the inside, I’m struggling. I let Eliza inside and share with her what is going on, but I don’t always know how to tell her what all is going on. This is partly due to the lack of being able to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I don’t know what is going on with me or why I’ve been getting worse. It truly scares me, and I don’t know what to do or how to make it through. I’m so terribly scared…
For now,
Maude.
