Venting

I'm not feeling well this evening.  I just got my bed pulled out (it's a couch with a pull-out bed), and I'm lying here with my pooch, Loaf.  Loaf is a dachshund/beagle mix who is 5 years old and loves to have his rump scratched.  He finally calmed down enough to lie down next to me.  The poor darling was so excited to come inside that he was running everywhere, hopping on and off of the couch, and kept giving me kisses.  He wanted rubs and kisses so much that he was climbing on me and accidentally tore my naval piercing!  I've doctored it, and it'll heal soon.

Here at home, I've assumed the mother roll (yet again) for my sister and brother.  Today, I've done laundry, dishes, made dinner, baked and decorated Bud's birthday cake, made them get baths, and have taken care of them since I picked them up from school.  It took 4 and a half hours to mix, bake, and decorate his cake, and he didn't even like it!  "It's too sweet," he said.  That little rascal! Of course it's going to be sweet, silly!  It's a homemade cake with homemade frosting and even hand-decorated!  Maybe he'll at least appreciate it when he's older.

I don't mind helping take care of Emma and Bud, but I'm there older sister for crying out loud!  I'm not there mother!  I'm on medical leave from school right now so I can rest and get better.  How am I to do that when I have to help keep the house running?  Dad has been stressed and in a foul mood lately.  Stress from everything has been building up, and he's having to adapt to a major change:  our credit card debt is paid off.  Yes, I know that sounds like a positive thing of relief, but, in actually, it's also a cause of stress as well.  The large payments are gone, but there are always sources of economic stress and struggle, especially since I've moved back home.

Earlier today, Dad told me he's glad I'm home.  That was nice to here.  It's comforting to know I'm appreciated and wanted, but I don't always feel that way.  At home, I do a lot to help keep everything running, which often goes unnoticed.  Sometimes, I still feel as though I shouldn't be here at home.

There is a lot more I want to say, but I just started a new medicine and am not feeling well.  I've been faint, dizzy, and am feeling very weird in my head and everywhere else.  I don't even know what I'm saying right now, so I'm heading to bed.

Sweetest dreams,
Maude