Help

I'm falling faster and faster.  The soonest appointment I could get is 3 and a half weeks.  I don't want to be hospitalized again.  I'm missing classes and letting everything go, but I don't care anymore.  Why don't I care anymore?  I'm so scared!  To get help sooner, they'd throw me into the hospital again.  I don't want that, but this is what they call a "crisis" situation.  What do I do?  I'm sitting on my bed right now and about to burst into tears.  The pain is so strong and making things worse.  I'm also very nauseous.  I can't cry because my roommate is in here.  I don't know what to do.  I don't see it getting any better before my appointment.  I'm suppose to be in class right now, but I don't know if my parents know that or not.  If I send mom a txt, she'll call me.  She always gets mad when we talk about my depression.  I can't tell her that I didn't make it to class.  That'll make her even more mad.  I can't just push through.  It isn't that easy!  If it was, I wouldn't be at this point!  I was hoping working out this morning would help, but it made things worse.

I just sent my mom a text asking her what to do.  I dread her call, especially since my roommate is in here.  My heart is racing, and my face is boiling red.

I really don't want to be hospitalized again, but I'll do whatever is best.  Signs that things are every terrible are here and progressing.

I'm really scared and need help.  What do I do?