If I may say so myself, the bonfire was a great success! It was tough viewing Luna as a friend once more, but maybe it's for the best. I picked her up around 5 pm, and Jesse and her boyfriend, Blake, got there around 7:30 pm. Shortly thereafter, the fun began!
It took a little while to get the fire going, but we figured it out! We roasted hotdogs, burgers, and marshmallows! I've definitely needed this for a long while now. Luna, Emma, and I had fun dancing barefoot in the clover, although I stepped in dog turd twice and Luna once. Gross!
Towards the end of the evening, we help an endings and beginnings ritual. It went amazingly well! Several signs came about, and my emotions finally broke through- I had to excuse myself to ball me eyes out. I've needed that release for who knows how long now. I definitely feel different, which should, knock on wood, be a good sign. Luna came and held me while I cried. That was so sweet of her! I definitely needed the comfort.
Sometimes, I feel so alone and outcast, but I try not to let that show through. A strong facade I strive greatly to uphold. It's bad, but people would worry greatly if they knew what was truly going on, especially with my mental health. My depression has gotten a lot better thanks to Prozac, but I still struggle with the anxiety and such. It can be difficult to decipher if the voices, sounds, and visuals are spiritual or otherwise. My psychiatrist thinks I'm schizophrenic, but others would say I'm spiritually gifted. Is it one, the other, or even some of both? I don't know. I do, however, know I won't be mentioning this to my therapist or psychiatrist.
I have no clue how I feel right now. Everything just feels as though it's happening, and I'm here. It's hard to explain other than I feel as though I'm floating through life, but the pain, mental, physical, and emotional, remains. Where to go? What to do? I have no clue. I feel lost, empty, and many ways I shouldn't yet also lightly comforted. Any advice?
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